Courage To Change – April 1, 2020
Photo by Sapan Patel on Unsplash
How can I change myself if I have no idea who I am, or who I want to become? I have been at this ‘recovery’ stage of life for more than half my life now. I honestly thought I’d be done with it ages ago, but recently I came to a new understanding of my situation. See, I was stuck on a problem for work, and couldn’t figure out how to proceed. Upon analysis, it became clear that I had no idea how to complete the task because I had no idea what I was starting with. Even if you know the required end-point, if you don’t know where you are starting from, then the whole thing is almost impossible. In recovery, accepting yourself, who you are, is where you start from.
Quick and Simple Disclaimer: The readings in this post are literally taken wholesale out of the book entitled Courage to Change. You can find it at Amazon, Here. The portion entitled Alleged Insight, well that mess is all me.
If you’re an introvert, go buy the book, if you’re a broke introvert, the text from many good books can be found HERE , if you’re in dire straits however, go find an Al-Anon Meeting, it saved me. *None of these links are affiliate links,
So onward to Today’s Reading
I’ve heard acceptance mentioned at meetings as one part of the “Three A’s” – Awareness, Acceptance, and Action. However, I am inclined to try to jump from awareness to action without even pausing for acceptance. My thinking goes like this: “Something’s wrong! Quick, let me fix it before I have to feel any discomfort.”
The problem is that until I accept the situation, defect, or memory that has come to my awareness, I can rarely take effective action or live serenely with the consequences. The action doesn’t work or it makes things worse, and I feel helpless and hopeless. Even if it does work, I am usually too full of self-doubt to realize it. Most of the time, I still have to go back, sit still, feel the feelings, and come to some acceptance. It helps to be reminded that my Higher Power already accepts me and my situation – and loves me on the bad days as well as the good.
Today’s reminder
Moving from awareness to acceptance to action takes time, but the benefits are worth the wait. As I learn to accept my defects, circumstances, and feelings, I learn that I am a worthwhile human being just as I am. With that kind of self-acceptance, I begin to see my options, and slowly I can begin to take action, to change.
Today’s Quote:
“. . . Someone suggested I stop concentrating on changing myself,
and think first about accepting myself. That gave me the boost I needed.”
Al-Ateen – A Day At A Time
Closing thoughts:
Oh, Lord, where do I start? Talk about living one day at a time. Life is insane right now. The virus is taking down the planet, and people are living scared, literally scared. How do you calm your spouse when you are also so unsettled that you don’t believe in the power of tomorrow and today?
The story or reading above rings true, and I can’t really add much to it. In today’s world of ‘shelter in place’ stay at home, quarantines, with all the kids still home after spring break, it’s starting to get to the best of us (I am not one of the best of us, my wife is pretty damned close however).
Can I ask you a question? Do you know who you are? Do you know who your spouse is? Do they really know who you are? It is so very likely that in the last few weeks, you’ve seen a side of your spouse that until now, had remained hidden. People at work are different from the people at home, and different again from the people we are in our heads.
I am not sure I can describe it better than that. It’s like the mirror effect. You are the only person who sees the person you see in the mirror. Everybody else sees the same person, but the other way around. Don’t believe me? Take a sharpie and draw something on one cheek. Now take a self-portrait with your phone or something, and finally, compare that to the image you see in the mirror. Backwards? Yes, it has to be, because that’s how our awareness is built.
The best thing you can do is take the time, since we have so much of it lately, and truly, simply, figure out who the hell you are. Once that’s done, start on the acceptance. Finally, bring your family into the loop, otherwise they’re going to think you’re crazy.
P.S. We need to start talking about this crap, or our kids will have to fight our demons. I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell don’t want to leave my demons for my children. Duke.